The Newness

My whole life people have been telling me how smart I am. My parents, teachers, friends, you name it. I was always in the accelerated classes, I always had smart friends, I loved to read and always did my homework. My arch nemeses in elementary school made fun of me for using the word, “flabbergasted.” I cried and my fifth grade teacher told me, “They’re just upset that you know a big word that they don’t know.” That provided a small amount of comfort. More comforting was the fact that I knew that someday I would go to college. Then I would get a great job, for which I would get paid a lot of money, and through which I would help make the world a better place. Ahh, to be young.

When I did finally get to college, I felt like I was supposed to be there, but I didn’t have any idea how to pursue a course of study that would be of concrete value once I graduated. (Read: make me money so that I could eventually pay off the colossal student loans I was racking up.) So I studied English, because I love it, and because I thought it would be enough. My dad was telling me, “You should be an engineer.” My mom was telling me, “You should be a nurse!” But, being allergic to math and squeamish at the sight of other people’s bodily fluids, I never seriously considered either suggestion as a possibility. Funny how if I had done either of those things, which I certainly could have, I would be in a much different place right now.

But those subtle suggestions did make me think more seriously about whatever my future career would eventually be, and so I asked my advisor, “I am a little worried about getting a job once I graduate. I know don’t want to be a teacher. What kind of jobs can I get with this degree?” Then he, like a dutiful advisor to a second semester junior in college, did what he was supposed to do. He told me what I needed to hear to stay on course and graduate on time, “Your degree will be incredibly versatile! You’ll have outstanding communication and writing skills, and that is invaluable in any number of professions.” I, being naïve, thought to myself, OK! My advisor said it’s alright, so that must mean it’s alright. Sigh. And everyone, myself included, thought I was so smart.

Chris once told me how, after he and my parents dropped me off at the airport when I left for Ecuador, that my mom said, “That girl amazes me. She did this all by herself.” When he told me that I was like, “Of course I did! Duh!” My philosophy has always been: If there is something that you want to do with your life, you do it. Go for it now, when you can, otherwise it might end up being something that you’ll regret not having tried for the rest of your life. If it turns out well, then great! If it ends disasterously, like almost all of my romantic endeavors up til this point have, then you will have experiences from which to grow. Either way, win or lose, you don’t ever really lose.

Somehow, after over two years of working an absolutely thankless and intensely stressful job – in which I was using only the most limited parts of my brain – I seemed to forget all about my grand philosophy. Shaun always encouraged me, “Babe, just start looking for a new job! There are jobs to be had in Detroit, no matter what the newspapers say! You’re so smart, you can do it!” But I never did. I was so miserable, and I knew in my heart that he was right, but I just never applied for anything. I made halfass attempts at looking, but of course I never found anything that was, “good enough.” I started thinking about graduate school – which turned out to be a good thing, since I found something I am incredibly excited about – but at first that was just another way to avoid thinking about getting a new job.

And then the shit, as they say, hit the fan. For those of you that don’t know, which is probably most of you, I had a minor meltdown earlier this summer. I found myself having panic attacks – at work in the bathroom, in my car. Never when anyone else was around. At first I didn’t even know what they were. Shaun and I had broken up, I was living back with my parents, my job sucked ass, most of my friends were living elsewhere, everything was basically shit. I quit answering my phone. I started lying to people. I watched an obscene amount of television. Then I got strep throat, and when I went to the doctor I had a total emotional breakdown in her office. She handed me a box of Kleenex, gave me antibiotics for the strep, and antidepressants for the rest of it. I went home and checked myself into therapy.

Then I did the one thing I’d really needed to do from the beginning. I sat down at my computer, dusted off my resume, and sat down to find a new job. Funny how life happens sometimes. The very first job I applied for I ended up getting. And it is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. For privacy reasons you will see that I will be much more discrete about this job that my previous one, but I now work for the United Way for Southeastern Michigan. My office is right downtown, which is fun (and convenient for school), I work with Kira, and most importantly, I get to use my brain! I leave work every day feeling like I am making Detroit a better community to live in. The job didn’t fall out of the sky into my lap as I imagined it would when I graduated from high school, but it’s mine now and that is the important thing.

So, the newness that is happening in my life right is all good. I have learned a lot about myself and how I handle (and don’t handle) stress in my life. I’ve also realized that, even though I absolutely hated it while I was there, I learned a lot about working in a professional environment while I was at Comcast. I also learned that there is a lot more to life than just making as much money as you can by screwing little old ladies into buying digital cable that they don’t know how to use, and then charging them another $20 that they don’t have to come out and put their TVs back on channel 3.

The Long Goodbye

So Shaun arrived in Chicago tonight to begin his 8 week long stay at boot camp. He was supposed to leave last Thursday, August 23rd, but storms in Chicago prevented that. His departure was then rescheduled to Friday evening, and that flight was canceled because of storms here in Detroit. So then he stayed the weekend (which was fun because he and his fam came to my birthday dinner on Sunday night), and finally left today on a 4 o'clock flight. The whole ordeal was exhausting for me and his family -- we said goodbye on Wednesday night, then again on Thursday night, and then the last goodbye last night, but it was longer for Shaun, who probably spent over 20 hours sitting at Metro Airport over the weekend.

It's odd how they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I feel like the mere anticipation of his absence made my heart grow fonder. It made me realize some things about what has been happening between us lately, the most important one being that I am still crazy in love with him. Another being that I am really, incredibly proud of him for joining the Navy Reserve. Yet another being that he is still the only man that I have ever met that honestly understands me, encourages me, supports me, calls me on my bullshit, makes me laugh, laughs at my dumbass jokes, can talk with me for hours, can shut the hell up with me for hours, loves my family to death, and holds my hand through absolutely everything. And also that while he made some mistakes (as did I), he is learning from those mistakes and genuinely trying to do better, and that is something that not many people can do.

I am going to miss him more than I can say while he is away the next few weeks. I have so much new stuff going on -- new job at United Way for Southeastern Michigan (which is AWESOME!), starting school at Wayne State on September 6th. New people, new places... a lot of things I know I'd love to talk to him about and he'd love to hear about. But then again, this does give me an excuse to write letters. And you guys know how much I love that!

So for now I will just keep my head down, go to work, get ready for school, save my money, and break out the pen and paper to write to my boy while he is busting his ass in boot camp.

Happy 26th to Me

Katie Got Hitched!

Some selected scenes from Katie's nuptials this past Saturday. The ceremony was outside at the Anna Scripps Whitcomb Conservatory on Belle Isle. The reception was held at the Tiger Club at Comerica Park. Katie wore an elegant deep red ball gown and the bridesmaids wore ivory tea length dresses. The day was beautiful, the people were friendly, and the food was awesome. All in all, a great wedding!

Congratulations Katie and Justin, may you have all the happiness in the world!

Nik's Surprise Visit!

Nik, Steph, Linda and I went up to Shield's Restaurant in Southfield where Bobby was hosting an open mic night with some of his friends. He's visiting from Santa Cruz for a week or so. Crazy that I've known Bob since kindergarten! Anyway, took some pics at the bar and thought I'd share them!

My Nephew Turns 5

The Dude Abides

While watching "The Big Lebowski" with my dad the other day I realized that I had kind of forgotten how absolutely HI-LARIOUS it is. I remember going up north to Jetta's cottage in Manistee for MLK Jr. weekend senior year of college and drinking a lot of White Russians. In fact, if I remember correctly, there was one point when Alyssa walked into the kitchen and uttered this exact sentence:

"I think I'll have a glass of water.... Or a White Russian."

I think it was about 11 AM at that point. She chose a White Russian.

My favorite part of the movie is near the end, when their buddy has died of a heart attack and been cremated. (Haha, I just read that sentence back, and it sounds terrible, that my favorite part is when a guy dies, but hey, that's how it came out so I'm leaving it!) They take the coffee can full of his ashes up to a cliff overlooking the Pacific Ocean, and after waxing poetic in a eulogy that unneccessarily contains a ton of stuff about Vietnam, they throw his ashes off the cliff -- and the wind blows them right back into The Dude's face. To me, it is one of the purest moments of comedic genius ever captured on film.

The Dude abides, and so do I. Long live Lebowski!

Katie's Bachelorette Celebration

And then some!

Amazing Art

Watch this video first and then check out his new link at the right. Phil Hansen is incredible and his website is worth exploring. You will not be sorry. I promise.

Thanks Mom.

Technology Overload

So in the past few days I've gotten my new computer and my new digital camera in the mail, and I just cannot stop playing around with them! (Add my iPod into the mix, and it's full on technology overload.) I'd forgotten how nice it is to have my own computer, and boy is it a nice computer! I'm also looking forward to having some great opportunities to use the camera, but I need to buy a bigger memory card for it so that it will hold more pictures.

Tonight I went to a meeting of the Southfield Historical Society with Steph and her mom. I've lived here all my life and never knew that Southfield had an historical society, and its very own history museum. There was some interesting stuff in the museum too, including some school registers from 1895 that Steph and I had a good time looking through. Orthography was listed as a subject, and I had no idea what that was until Steph's mom told us that it's the study of handwriting. Which probably explains why every page in the book looked like it had been written by a calligrapher.

Maybe the next post will contain pictures. For now I'm gonna go back to playing around with my brand spanking new computer!

Stopping Traffic

On my way home from a recent trip downtown I found myself heading north on I-75. About a mile and a half from the exit to 696, I began to merge over to the right hand lanes. (Both of the two right lanes exit to 696, the far one goes east, the near one goes west, I was in the near lane.) To my right there was a guy in a pickup truck -- shirtless, muscled, tan, and wearing an actual cowboy hat. Although I couldn't hear the radio, I'd bet my two front teeth he was listening to Travis Tritt.

At first I thought he was motioning to me to see if I still needed to get over into the far right lane, but, upon closer inspection, it turned out that he was actually making horrible lewd gestures at me. Sticking out his tongue, blowing me kisses, and even pointing at his lap! Not wishing to encourage him, I returned my attention to the road and kept both hands on the wheel while looking straight ahead. I was still aware of him in my peripheral vision, but he was going east and I was going west and that would be the end of it as soon as we hit our exits.

All this while the entrance to 696 is rapidly approaching. I notice that the traffic on the exit ramps is slowing down, significantly, so I do the same. Cowboy over to my right failed to notice this, because he was still blowing me kisses, and of course he flew by me and slammed into the rear end of a poor, unsuspecting gentleman in a Saturn -- who looked thoroughly displeased when I drove by, jaw agape, seconds later.

Cowboy did notice at the last second that he was going to hit someone, and had laid on his brakes pretty good, but I estimate that he was still going about 50-55 mph when he hit the Saturn. Totaled the back of that poor man's car. Probably caused a major back up on the exit ramp (since that is a busy area of the highway, at any time of day, let alone late afternoon on a weekday). And all for what? To try to get some play from a strange girl in a separate vehicle while going 70 mph on the interstate. I was reminded of something my mom once said when a similar situation (minus the accident) occurred while we were in the car together: she looked over at the trucker who was gesticulating in her direction and said, "Give it up man, we'll never meet!" Then I accelerated and we left him behind us.

Who Gets Summoned for Jury Duty on Her Birthday??

Me. That's who. What a way to celebrate #26. BOO!

RGB

So a. margarita tagged me as a Rockin' Girl Blogger and I must pass the torch to 5 other girl bloggers, except that I only have 4, and one of them is a. margarita. I will add a fifth when I find one. Here's my list, in no particular order:

1. a. margarita
2. Aubs
3. Nik
4. Leah


Ladies, now it's your turn to tag some other kickass girl bloggers. Spread the love!

Homeslice

I gotta say, I miss my homeslice Nikki. (Do we not look super cute in this picture? That's a rhetorical question by the way, no comments necessary.) This was before going to Memphis Smoke on Friday, where we were hit on by some really ridiculous men in their mid 40s -- I mean, seriously -- and then we went with Linda to a midnight screening of The Goonies at the Royal Oak Main Art Theater. That movie was always funny when I was a kid, but it was even better with a mild buzz going .

I am fortunate enough to have some AMAZING women in my life as friends. Unfortunately for me, most of them no longer live in Michigan, but whenever we do get in a chat or a visit, it always feels like no time has passed. It's empowering to have such awesome women as my friends. They inspire me to be strong, be smart, take chances, stand up for myself, and learn from my mistakes. I know that with all of my friends I can really be myself -- honest-to-goodness, occasional goofball, non sotto voce, cries at sappy movies, strange toed, always 10 minutes tardy Maria.

I Love Dane Cook!

Dane Cook.

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What's A 20 Something Girl To Do?

I've decided to let the stress go. I spend entirely too much time stressing about my job that I dislike, my student loans, my future... stuff like that. I'm done. If I don't get a job that I actually like by the time that school starts then I am going to quit and become a full time student. I can defer my loans and still make payments on them, so I won't have to worry about that. And as far as The Future goes, I can't control it, so it's better to just let it be. Hanging out with Steph and The Bridesmaid's yesterday, talking about life, I noticed a recurring theme. It may be cliche, but everything happens for a reason. You may not know exactly what the reason is at that very moment, but your old friend The Future will eventually roll around to clear it up for you.

We also discussed change quite a bit. Specifically, how people change, and, more specifically, how women try to change their men and when that is and is not OK. For example, we concluded that it is acceptable to try to break your husband's habit of picking his nose and wiping his boogers on the edge of the driver's seat in your brand new car. That's a good change to encourage. But the fundamental things, morals, religion, politics, responsibility, whether or not he is just a total slob -- things like that are pretty fixed. And if you do try to change something major, what happens if you change something else unintentionally? People change constantly, for good and bad reasons, but usually the changes that turn out to be improvements are those that came from within. You change because you want to, and that is probably something that will actually last.

Right now I am in a place where a person that I love, very much, is trying to effect a big change in his life. I believe in him, and I want to encourage him because I think he's doing it for the right reasons, but I don't know how much I believe that it's going to last forever. Part of me feels like a bitch for having that doubt, but that doubt is honest, and I always prefer honesty. The only experience that I can speak from is my own, and I know that when I've come to those few monumental transitions in my life that I've changed in ways I never could have predicted. Even relationships that I thought were stable and strong before leaving ended up cracked and broken after coming home.

That is a situation that is going to require much more thought. I just had to get Paris Hilton off the top of my page. I sincerely apologize that I left her up there as long as I did. My occasional schadenfreude sometimes gets the better of me. It's like doubt in that way.

Stupid Spoiled Attention Whore

First of all, let me say that I thought long and hard about whether or not to write this post. I'll warn you right now, it's about Paris Hilton. I apologize in advance.

I despise Paris Hilton. I know it's wrong to judge, and I've never met her and blah, blah, blah, but, God, I am sorry, I think that she is basically a worthless, money grubbing, heinous be-otch. (Or, as Matt would perhaps say, a vapid screech owl. Ha! I just love that.) I hate how much air time on so called 'serious' news channels (CNN, what is up? Come on!) is devoted to her retarded ass. Part of me really wants to ignore it, and pay her less that no attention at all, since even bad publicity is still publicity. But another part of me gets so much joy out of watching her spoiled sex-tape-leaking ass get what she deserves that I just cannot help myself.

Last night Comedy Central aired one of my favorite episodes of South Park in honor of Paris and her current debacle. For those who haven't seen it, Paris comes to South Park for the grand opening of her new store at the mall, called Stupid Spoiled Whore, and madness ensues. She pays Butters' parents $250 million to have him as a pet and is ultimately challenged to a Whore Off versus Mr. Slave, who sucks her into his anal cavity just to prove he's a bigger whore than she is. It's a tremendously entertaining half hour of animated wonderfulness.

We keep the news on at work, on mute of course, lest Big Brother hear us and come running, and I cannot describe the joy I felt when I saw the headlines that she was headed back to jail. That judge in California single handedly restored my faith in the American legal system. With this one act he has told the world that you just cannot buy your way out of jail! (Of course, I know there are probably still a ton of people who do, but the fact that she just cannot get out of this is fantastic.)

If a regular old ordinary American had done what she did (which was get caught driving twice on a license which was suspended because of her drinking and driving) they would certainly be facing a similar penalty, if not worse. She already paid a $1,500 fine, which to most people would be a strong enough deterrent to get them in line, but Paris probably wipes her ass with $1,500 three times a day, so it's no wonder it didn't make an impact! Clearly, an impact is being made now.

I love that this alleged medical condition she has is what her attorney is trying to leverage as a reason she can't remain incarcerated. Supposedly she had a nervous breakdown. Imagine what would have happened if she'd actually received the body/cavity search that all other inmates are subjected to upon entering prison. She could have tried to smuggle her Sidekick or some mascara in up her ass -- probably not as effectively as say, oh, Mr. Slave, but she could have. So I don't buy the whole nervous breakdown thing. You don't think there are people in jail with actual, real medical conditions -- like heart disease, cancer, diabetes, HIV, fill-in-the-blank?? There are prison hospitals and infirmaries and doctors and counselors to help inmates with any manner of problems. It's what our taxes pay for.


I think Martha Stewart ought to give the Hiltons a call and tell them that the ridiculous behavior that got their daughter into this mess in the first place is not a Good Thing, and her even more ridiculous behavior now is even worse. She needs to suck it up and shut it up and just do her 45 days. Maybe she should try to make the best of it and get, like, a super sexy prison tat while she's in there. I know what it could say, right across her ass: "That's Hot."

Guilty Pleasures

Sometimes in life you just need your guilty pleasures. Like eating a candy bar and drinking a gimungous glass of Coca-Cola at the same time. (So, so bad for your teeth, but good for the following sugar buzz.) I myself make it a point to indulge in guilty pleasures whenever possible, within reason, of course. For example, I find myself strangely drawn to movies starring Amanda Bynes. I mean seriously though, how can you not love this girl?? ------------------------------->

I also occasionally delight in the misfortunes of other people, like Paris Hilton. (Don't even get me started on how she bought her way out of prison. Disgusting. If anyone needed to get shanked in prison it was freaking Paris Hilton. Oh well, I will have to learn to live with disappointment I guess.)

Sometimes I enjoy kissing boys with fierce tattoos who I know I will never see again. I am *obsessed* with Showtime's mini series The Tudors, starring dreamy Irish boy Jonathan Rhys Meyers. Oooh, yummy! Other times I like to laugh obnoxiously loud at wholly inappropriate times, like when Brad Pitt's character in Meet Joe Black got hit by a car because he was standing in the middle of the street like a complete jackass. Yup, that was me that laughed so hard I snorted frozen Coke through my nose. (I was eating chocolate at the same time too, a double whammy!)

My point is, sometimes you just need to live a little. Go ahead, you know you want to go rent She's The Man. It's cool. I promise I won't tell.

Catch $22,000

Part of me hates having Monday off because pretty much everyone else in my life is at work. That leaves me a day by myself, which sometimes, like today, is fantastic, and other times is not so fantastic. Today was great because I got so much stuff done. I registered for class in the fall and made an appointment with my new advisor. I called around and got a couple of quotes on computers (it's gonna cost me at least $1600, easy). Read my new issue of The Progressive from cover to cover, and a couple articles from The New York Times that I missed yesterday. And then I did something I have been putting off for months. I actually called all of the companies that have been sending me offers to consolidate my student loans to see what kind of terms they could offer me.

Turns out, they're not so great. Half of the offers are companies which only consolidate federal loans -- which does me no good since my federal loans are already consolidated. The other half wanted to lower my payment by extending the term of my loan from 20 to 30 years, but at a higher interest rate, which might be helpful in the short term, but screws me in the long term. So here I sit, stuck until I can improve my credit just a little bit more and consolidate with Citibank. The bastards. I'm caught in a Catch $22,000. Well, it's actually $27,000, but what's five grand between friends?

I think it may be time to sign up for some overtime at work. As much as I truly, truly hate having to do that, a $1600 laptop isn't going to fall from the heavens, no matter how hard I pray. And I will have to pay my tuition up front, and then wait for the reimbursement. (You know, for all my complaining about my actual job, I gotta give it up for that benefit. Education reimbursement gets 2 thumbs up in my book.) But it's cool. I've don't have much else to do this summer, all my vacation time is gone anyway. Might as well make a little money.

Grad School Here I Come!

I am happy to share with all my lovely readers that I was accepted to Wayne State University's Graduate School today. I will begin work on my Master's in Library and Information Science in September. Woo hoo! I pretty much knew that I was going to get in, but it still felt great to see the, "Congratulations!" at the top of the letter.

This means that I am going to have to save my pennies this summer to pay my tuition in the fall, and I also have to buy a computer (yay!). I've been wanting to buy a computer for a while, I just couldn't justify the expense, but now I have a great reason to get a brand spanking new one!

Other than that, things have been pretty chill. Memorial Day weekend was nice, except that I had to work all day last Friday and Saturday. Sunday I went to the Tigers game with Kira and Jeff and a bunch of his *super cute* rugby buddies. (Seriously -- super, super cute. Rowdy, but very cute.) I told Kira that more of that needs to happen this summer, it's so much fun hanging out with her, and because she was in Kalamazoo for so long I feel like we got used to not being able to see each other very often, but that is a non issue now! So tomorrow we are going shoe shopping.

On Memorial Day Steph and I took our booties out to Kensington and walked the 8 mile loop around the park. I still cannot figure out why I thought that was a good idea. In sandals no less, with a hangover. Sometimes I am such an idiot I amaze myself. My legs hurt for two days afterwards, but I think they've finally forgiven me. It was nice to just hang with Steph though, and it was a BEAUTIFUL day. Days like that are why I love Michigan.

So yea, pretty chill. I have a much needed day off tomorrow and then this weekend is Linda's birthday, the proper celebrations will accompany the event on Saturday night and Sunday afternoon. I think we are going to go to Ann Arbor on Saturday with some of her friends, which should be interesting because I haven't gone out in Ann Arbor since the summer of 2003 after we all graduated. I'm pretty sure that my favorite bar (Mitch's, what??) doesn't exist anymore, but I am sure we'll have fun. A2 is always a good time. Maybe I'll have some cute pictures to post soon.

Til then, my dear readers, this will have to suffice. Toodles.

Music and Movies and What I Want in a Man

So I thought the blog was getting a little boring without pictures. I found this one of me and my dad on a bookshelf in my parents' room. My hair looks red... wish I still had curls like that. On the back my mom wrote, "Winter 1982, Southfield," which means I was probably a little over one year old. Dad still looks the same, only now all his hair is grey.

Lately I've been listening to a lot of music and watching a lot of movies and trying to figure out what exactly I might want in a man. 1 and 2 are generally easier to deal with. I've had "De Stijl" (The White Stripes) and Joss Stone's new one on repeat for the last two days. Both are worth purchasing immediately, if you like that kind of thing.

As for movies, I watched "Strange Days" (Ralph Fiennes, Juliette Lewis, Angela Bassett), "The Tesseract" (Jonathan Rhys Meyers, yum!), "Domino" (Keira Knightly, and not nearly as terrible as everyone made it out to be), and "Reality Bites" (twice). Throw in many, many episodes of Sex and the City, both from HBO On Demand and from the DVDs I snagged from Kira's house last weekend, and the 4 newspapers I read from front to back on Sunday and Monday, and you've pretty much got my weekend all wrapped up.

As for the whole man issue, I think I've decided that I need to just be solo for awhile. My love life is such a disaster area it should have giant orange construction barrels around it -- complete with the flashing lights on top. For now I am just going to concentrate on saving my money, kicking it with the homies, and having a good summer. I'm hoping that everything else will just figure itself out. Wish me luck, eh?

Rollercoaster

I'm almost afraid to write this for fear of all the groans of, "Oh Maria!" that are sure to be uttered, but here goes nothing. Shaun and I broke up. Again.

I've got my defense mechanisms working overtime on this one. I make jokes, I shrug off questions. I'm really just trying not to think about it at all. It took me a month to stop crying before, and I am determined not to start again.

At this point I am mostly just disappointed and sad. I've never had as much fun as I did with him, never loved someone that much, never imagined my life stretching out before me alongside someone else's - not the way I did with Shaun. And now it's all a big pile of shite. Well, certainly not all of it, but it's hard to think about the good parts because then I think about how they're gone, and that's just not a good path to start going down right now.

Someone please tell me how it is that I have managed to totally f*ck up every single relationship I've ever been in? Something happens and I slowly, painfully, achingly start to fall out of love. And then the shit hits the fan. Sometimes over and over again.

Part of me wishes that I could just forget about everything that happened between us and forgive him (and myself) for all of it. But I can't. And the fact that I can't upsets me, because if you love a person enough, you should be able to forgive them for just about anything when you know that they truly are sorry.

*sigh*

This is more difficult to write about than I thought it would be. Although, I guess it does go exactly against my primary defense strategy of Just Don't Think About It!

For once I'll take my own advise and just shut the hell up.

More when I'm not driving myself absolutely crazy.

Shameless Plug

Listen up party people. My cousin Elliot is in a band called The Peasantry. They have a song in a contest and if it wins they'll get $5,000!! Go here and select "Student Films Across America" by The Peasantry to vote for his song.

Oh and P.S., not that this is even possible, but even if you like one of the other songs more, (pshaw, like that could happen!) I don't care, still vote for him!!

Hodge Podge

It's a long way to the top if you want to rock n' roll. Or at least that what AC/DC tell us.

I forgot how great a sunny Sunday morning with fried eggs, WCSX Over Easy, and the Sunday New York Times is. Well, actually, I didn't forget, it's just that today I am enjoying it more than usual.

In fact just a few minutes ago I read about this guy who finds both interesting and not-so-interesting pieces of trash and puts them into little clear plastic ball shaped capsules, then loads up little 25 cent cheap-o junk machines with them. He has a blog, lovingly described as, "A destination website for chumps, rubes, maroons, clods, saps, schlemiels, and yo-yos," which, if you can find nothing else worth admiration, is great because I finally learned how to spell schlemiel. Check out Trashball.

Still awaiting the response on my application for admission the Library and Information Science program at Wayne State.

Decided that tomorrow I am going to resume the guitar lessons I started in college. Woo hoo!

Jesse is now the wealthiest member of our family. Who'd have thunk it?

Brian and Steph are now engaged, yay!

And, last but definitely not least, Shaun and I are back together. We still have a lot of stuff to work out, but I think we can do it.Now I am going to break out my bicycle and see if it's really true that once you've learned you never forget.

Peace out homies.

Odessa On The Verge

Odessa is a little girl who lives in my imagination. Sometimes I think of sentences that involve her. Sentences like, "Odessa was delicate, even for an eight year old. She was small of frame with large, dark eyes, like her mother. She came to live with Ninny when she was only two, after her mother died. When she was five, Ninny gave her a box made of gold paper, shaped like a star. Odessa took the box into her little room and put the only photograph she had of her mother into the box and placed the lid on it, and there it has stayed, quiet and safe, ever since. Now, Odessa collects boxes."

And that's where it stops. I don't really know why Odessa collects boxes, but I know that she lives in Kentucky, has an older brother with leukemia, has a father that's in jail for killing their mother, and that someone eventually needs to ask him (the father) if he will be tested as a possible bone marrow donor for her brother. But like I said before, I just get a couple of sentences every now and then. Like right after I've taken a shower and I'm sitting on the edge of the tub with my towels wrapped around me. Which is not a very convenient time to whip out the keyboard and start writing them down. So the sentences go away, and revisit me again at other times, when I am bored or lonely or reading the label on the side of a cereal box while chewing. I have had her in my head for so long now that Odessa is a friend. I think maybe I'd like to keep her in my head.

This is the part where I think about not answering my phone for awhile. Where I wonder if maybe I am on the edge of a not-quite-mid-life crisis. Where I think about how I would like to live in a loft downtown and everyone in my life, without a single exception, tells me that it is a stupid idea, that it is unnecessarily dangerous, and that my car insurance premium will skyrocket. I feel like telling them all to take a flying leap off a tall building. Except that if they did, I would be an orphan, without any family or friends. And then it wouldn't matter where I lived, because life would be miserable no matter what.

But I digress.

I am restless, which is the root of all of this. I have a job that I despise, but that I hope I will be able to suffer through just long enough to get graduate school paid for, so that I can then get a job that I actually like. (Nikki sent me info about an organization that builds libraries in Central and South America. I'd like to do that.) I still think about joining the Peace Corps too. But then my feminine biology kicks in, and so does the math. 25 + 3 years of graduate school + 1 additional year at work to fulfill my commitment to them for paying for graduate school + 2 years, 4 months of the Peace Corps = 31. Then I still have to find my dream job, get married, make a baby (or two), buy a house (not necessarily in that order), which I figure puts me at about 50. At which point I have the mid life crisis that's been pre-empted by whatever the hell it is I'm going through now.

I get so exhausted thinking about all of that -- not to mention the daily dose of stress I give myself from thinking about how the hell our stupid government is going to fix the Iraq mess, hopefully before my kid brother gets sent there; not to mention finding a way to provide affordable, accessible, health care for all Americans, oh, and fixing global warming -- that I think I'd just rather sit in my towels on the side of my tub and think up some more sentences about my little friend Odessa.

Did I mention she collects boxes?

That Silent Evening

by Galway Kinnell

I will go back to that silent evening
when we lay together and talked in low, silent voices,
while outside slow lumps of soft snow
fell, hushing as they got near the ground,
with a fire in the room, in which centuries
of tree went up in continuous ghost-giving-up,
without a crackle, into morning light.
Not until what hastens went slower did we sleep.
When we got home we turned and looked back
at our tracks twining out of the woods,
where the branches we brushed against let fall
puffs of sparkling snow, quickly, in silence,
like stolen kisses, and where the scritch scritch scritch
among the trees, which is the sound that dies
inside the sparks from the wedge when the sledge
hits it off center telling everything inside
it is fire, jumped to a black branch, puffed up
but without arms and so to our eyes lonesome,
and yet also - how could we know this? - happy!
in shape of chickadee. Lying still in snow,
not iron-willed, like railroad tracks, willing
not to meet until heaven, but here and there
making slubby kissing stops in the field,
our tracks wobble across the snow their long scratch.
Everything that happens here is really little more,
if even that, than a scratch, too. Words, in our mouths,
are almost ready, already, to bandage the one
whom the scritch scritch scritch, meaning if how when
we might lose each other, scratches scratches scratches
from this moment to that. Then I will go back
to that silent evening, when the past just managed
to overlap the future, if only by a trace,
and the light doubles and shines
through the dark the sparkling that heavens the earth.

Gravity

powered by ODEO

The Crying Game

Honestly, does a person ever reach a point where they just can't cry anymore? Each day I tell myself Ok that was really it, I'm done crying about this. But then I talk to him about the Consumer's Energy bill and the waterworks start right back up again. I wish that I could stop, but it just wells up from somewhere deep down and comes flooding out my eyes.

I've become a blubbering version of myself.

As if that weren't enough, I've somehow managed to catch a truly awful cold that has my sinuses in so much pain my right eye just kind of waters all on its own and I constantly feel like I was recently punched in the face. That blissful moment that happens every four hours or so when my Sudafed kicks in is all for naught when my phone rings.

I told him that I think it will get easier once we are able to talk to each other and not have to say things like, "No really, you keep the alarm clock, you'll use the radio setting," and, "The cable will be out of my name by Friday, if you want to call and order your own." The truth is, I don't really know if it will get easier. If I ever go to visit him in that apartment I'll cry. Every time I climb into our bed by myself I'll be sad. I find it difficult to think about him and not feel bitter disappointment rising in my chest.

I wonder about the possibility of us working things out. I wonder how long that might take. I wonder if I will find someone else. Or if someone else will find me. I am doubting and hoping for both of those things at the same time.

But to do any of that, well, that might actually require me leaving the house to do something besides go to work.

Tomorrow I go to pack up my things. Sunday the U-Haul will come to drive them all away. Maybe that will be the end. Maybe not.

I hope not.

The Runner Up

While not the competitive person I used to be, I still don’t like 2^nd place. Third I can deal with; “Top Three” sounds good, like an exclusive club you belong to, but 2^nd place is just plain not good enough to be 1^st.

In life, actions will often speak louder than words. Tonight, I got stood up for hundreds of strangers. I got stood up so Shaun could go to a Texas Hold ‘Em tournament at the Greektown Casino. Tonight I came in second place to poker. The volume of his actions has reached a deafening roar. Granted, he did only pay $5 to enter the drawing to win a seat in the tournament, but I think we all know that the likelihood of him winning the grand prize out of hundreds of entrants was pretty slim. I, however, was at least offered a consolation prize called, “Well We Can Hang Out After,” but I turned it down.

After everything that’s happened, after talking about trying to work on things, after him talking about being more responsible – wanting me to feel like I can depend on him to make the right choice when it all comes down to it – I get stood up for a card game.

And maybe all we were gonna do was sit on the couch and watch some funny TV and play with the cats; maybe we just would have laughed and enjoyed each other’s company and taken another small step toward figuring out this terrible mess we got ourselves into, but God dammit that sounds a lot better to me than a room full of strangers trying to take my money.

So he can get mad at me all he wants, and he can say that I don’t support him, but I will not apologize for not supporting a gambling habit. I've seen it ruin people, good people, people you would never have thought would flush away their kids' college savings, and then ante up and head back for more.

For now I will just sit here, in the house I grew up in, listening to the John Mayer Trio on Dad's gigantic headphones, and I will try to stop the tears once again in this short span of days.

Gravity ... is working against me.... Just keep me where the light is....

My New Favorite Website

Check out PostSecret.

Happy Un-Valentine's Day

Raise your hand if you've ever seen Disney's animated classic, "Alice in Wonderland." Ah, many of you, I thought so. Well, remember the Un-Birthday song that Alice sings with the Mad Hatter? In the spirit of the Un-Birthday I'm creating Un-Valentine's Day. We'll have 364 Un-Valentine's Days to celebrate every year, and that is way better than the completed shitty actual Valentine's Day that I'm about to have tomorrow.

What happens when you break up 2 days before V-Day? I'll tell you. You throw some shit in a bag & drive to your parents' house, because, even though you are 25 years old, you know that you will always be able to wake them up at 2:30 AM in tears without totally pissing them off. The next morning you wake up and while brushing your teeth you try to figure out how you're going to get all your stuff out of the apartment. You skillfully avoid looking your dad and brother in the eye because they'll be giving you that awkward, I love you but I just don't know what to say! look. That is the last look you need right now. Then you'll drive to work, eating a pear, listening to Beethoven's 7th Symphony.

Once you arrive at work you will avoid, avoid, avoid (like the plague!) that horrible question, "Hey, how are you?" You will want to say something like, "Well actually everything is total crap, and I'm feeling a bit heartbroken and miserable. But how are you?" But instead you say, "Fine," and keep walking. You will sit down at your desk and remove the multiple and adorable pictures of him from their various frames. You will wimp out and shove them into the back of a drawer instead of just throwing them away, you know -- just in case. Deep down though, you know that there will be no just in case, not this time.

The moment you realize that a person you thought could be The One is not, in fact, The One, it feels like someone has just drained all the blood from your heart. I think the worst part about all of this is how utterly disappointed I am that I didn't realize all of this much, much sooner. Especially before I signed a lease on an apartment and stupidly put every single utility bill in my name. Now, instead of a clean break from which we might both be able to heal, there are loose ends that need to be tied up, messy conversations that need to be had. I know that instead of this being the end of the frustration and tears and bitter disappointment, it's going to be the beginning of something worse.

He made some big mistakes, and then he made some more, and for a while I stood by him, but everyone has a point. I just couldn't forgive him. I just couldn't forget. I've become an overanalytical, judgemental bitch -- a shadow of my former self -- and I know that's not my nature. I have become a person I hate, and I can't possible expect him to endure that indefinitely. Like I said, everyone has a point. Even though I'm unhappy with my behavior and feel like I've tried to change, I just can't stop. That nagging thought that this is all his fault in the first place!, if he could've just been more responsible times X, Y, & Z!, creeps back into my brain when I least expect it. I don't want to keep him at arm's length anymore and at this point I don't think the way I feel will change for a long, long time -- if it ever does -- and that is just too long to try to go on living with each other every day. I feel like it is impossible for us to ever be the way we used to be, as close as we used to be. And that's that.

So there it is my dear reader. Maria at the end of yet another failed relationship.

Happy Un-Valentine's Day.

RHCP

So last night Nik and I went to go see the Red Hot Chili Peppers at the Verizon Center here in D.C. This is my third time seeing the Peppers and I must say that while they sounded great, this show lacked the energy of the others. They played a lot of songs from the new album, which I was excited about because I ADORE it, but they took long pauses in between songs and didn't play much from their earlier albums (nothing from One Hot Minute, much to Nikki's dismay). Nik and I decided that Anthony Kiedis must not have been feeling 100%. He was drinking a ton of water, leaving stage between songs, and on the close up shots of his face on the gigantic screens we could see huge bags under his eyes. Flea and John Frusciante jammed out quite a bit though, and I think I am ready to announce that John Frusciante might be my new all time favorite rock guitarist. To Jack White and Mike McCready I apologize, I still love you guys, honestly, it's not you.... it's me... well actually it's Johnny, he is just AMAZING! Sorry, I just get carried away with myself... it's his guitar solos, I can't resist them! And his lips... and the long rocker hair.... *sigh* I just hope he and the rest of the boys make sure they stay off the heroin. While some artists are arguably better while drug-addicted (ahem, Scott Weiland), some artists are incredible no matter what, and it'd be nice to see the Chili Peppers still putting out great albums and putting on great shows for a long time to come.

My Moral Opposition to the Child Leash

While waiting near the baggage claim at Reagan National Airport in Washington D.C. last night I saw something that has always baffled and disturbed me: a mother walking her toddler on a child leash. Now, to those of you who have never actually witnessed a child leash situation in action, I am sure you can still understand the basics of it. Imagine a dog being walked by its owner and then substitute a child for the dog.

There are several sad and terrible things about the child leash. First -- and in no particular order of importance, I leave that to you to judge for yourself, my dear reader -- there is the laziness of the mother. The woman in the airport last night, for example, was carrying nothing but a simple purse. Through my powers of observation I discerned that she was not there to pick up luggage, she was there to meet someone else, who incidentally picked up all of his luggage and carried it himself, leaving her with nothing but the aforementioned purse and leashed toddler. How hard is it to hold your three year old's hand in a public place?? Or just pick him up and carry him?? I suppose it's possible that she just recently had surgery on her spine and consequently is unable to pick up the child, but somehow I doubt that. She moved easily, without the complication and discomfort of a surgical wound that is still tender and healing. I also know from experience that if the child is particularly small it can be difficult to hold their hand, since the distance from the bottom of your arm is still so far away from theirs -- even when it is outstretched. I assure you, that was not the case last night as the toddler was plenty tall.

The second thing I dislike about the child leash is harder to explain, so I am going to use an example. I would tell you to close your eyes to facilitate the imagining of this next scenario, but I don't know many people who can read with their eyes closed. So just picture a young mother walking down the street with her harnassed toddler. They come to a stop sign and find themselves next to a man who is walking his dog. The toddler looks over at the dog at his eye level and recognizes the parallel between himself and the pup, and BAM! He just equated himself with a dog. Imagine how emotionally scarred he will be for the rest of his life! It's all bad from that point on.

My final objection to the child leash is simply that it just looks bad. Plain and simple, it's just tacky. Get a stroller for God's sake. Or a babysitter to stay at home with the tot. Just in case you don't believe me, I have included some pictures for your viewing pleasure.

I Will Never Shop At Meijer Ever Again In My Whole Entire Life

Yes, it's really that serious. Allow me to explain. On December 21st I worked for 12 hours. When I got out of work Shaun and I went to Meijer to pick up all of the groceries I needed to do all of my Christmas cooking. (Which, incidentally, was a lot, considering that I put gift baskets together that had homemade breads, cookies, and other goodies in them.) So we spend an hour inside Meijer picking out all of our groceries and what not, wait in the line, get all of our items rung up, and that's when the incident ocurred which pissed me off so badly that I will never, ever shop there again.

I had to show the girl my driver's license because I was buying some beer. She looked on the back and saw my change of address sticker. When she gave me the total I wrote her a check. My checks still have my old address on them, which J.P. Morgan Chase told me was absolutely fine. I've probably written 50 checks since I moved and never had any trouble. I just cross out my old address and put my new address on the check along with my phone number. I give the check to the girl and she tells me that she can't accept it becuase the address on my check is different from the address on my driver's license. I pointed out to her that the address on the front of my driver's license is the same address that is on my checks becuase I just recently moved and wasn't about to throw out an entire box of unused checks. She says she's sorry, that it's just their policy, and Shaun asks for a manager.

The woman behind us in line says that she has the same problem, because she also just moved, and she swears she's written checks at Meijer since her move. I thought that I had left my debit card at home, which meant that if they didn't accept my check I was going to have to leave the store empty handed after having spent an hour picking out all my groceries. The manager comes over and says the exact same thing, "Sorry, but it's the store's policy." And so I asked the reason for the policy. I consider myself a reasonable person, if she had been able to give me any kind of reason for the policy I would have listened, but she couldn't. She just shrugged her shoulders and said, "It's just our policy." So at this point Shaun is getting out his money clip to see how much cash he has on him, and I look in my wallet and realize that I do have my debit card on me, so I use it and we go.

Today I went through my bank statements and added up how much money I have spent at that Meijer since moving into our apartment. The total came to a ridiculous $1,219.66. That's groceries, apartment stuff, Christmas presents, etc., but it is still a buttload of money to spend at one store in less than four months time. They lost a good customer that day because of a stupid policy for which there is no apparent reason. Down with Meijer!

When Losing & Finding Are The Same

I wrote this at NELP, Spring of 2002. Enjoy.

I can’t find anything. Ever. My mom might say that I am the worst Looker ever because whenever she says, “Go look for _______,” I can never find it. When I return to her empty-handed she will inevitably ask, “Well, did you look for it?” No mom, I just walked around aimlessly for twenty minutes peeking behind shelved knick-knacks and rummaging through drawers because I felt like it.

Often times I will be searching for something I know, something I’ve seen, something that has a usual place that it’s not in right now when my mother needs it. Like the scissors. Or the Scotch tape. I am notorious in my family for using the scissors, losing the scissors, and then still not finding them after twenty-five minutes or serious, hard-core, concentrated searching. At that point my mom interrupts whatever she happens to be doing, walks into my room and picks up the one piece of paper I happened to not look under, and lo and behold: the fucking scissors.

Part of the reason I am perpetually trying to find things is closely related to the fact that I tend to misplace things. I am always losing my stuff because I just have too much of it. At times I honestly think that I am physically incapable of throwing things away. Somehow I manage to convince myself that I might really want that little empty box that my lipstick came in for something sometime. Maybe I’ll give Nikki some Chap Stick and wrap it up really fancy. Or how about that little rectangular tin the last 500 free hours of AOL CD came in? I will definitely use that for something!

I collect all this crap thinking it’s valuable, thinking I’ll use it, and then I completely forget that I even have it. Then when I am ripping through my closet for something I really, actually, truly, desperately need to find, I’m bombarded with a colossal amount of shit, most of which I can’t even recall the reason for having kept.

When Hayden Caruth said, “losing and finding,” were the same, I wrote it down. I thought to myself, “If I weren’t always losing my shit, maybe I wouldn’t always need to find it.” This works fine for a discussion of physical objects, but what about how I once lost all of my courage at the end of a bad relationship? What about how I once lost all respect for myself when a selfish lover’s opinion of my sex appeal made me question my beauty? What about how I lost all my motivation for law school because Mark told me he’d break up with me if I became a lawyer, since, “…all lawyers are liars,” and he couldn’t date a liar?

I once misplaced my entire self, all the things that make me feel good, smart, and strong. I lost everything, including the sense of my immeasurable worth, because I didn’t even know that I had them. I took them for granted and they left me, as even the most patient lovers will do after years of neglect. It took losing those things to even realize that they existed, and then it took work to find them again. If I hadn’t lost myself in weakness and stupidity and emotion then I wouldn’t feel the way I do now -- that I can do anything I want ,and the only person I need is me. I had to lose me to find me, and I like what I’ve got, so I’m keeping it.

You Never Give Me Your Money

You only give me your funny paper.
And in the middle of negoti- ations
You break down.

I never give you my number.
I only give you my situation.
And in the middle of investigation
I break down.
___________________________________________________________

Two in one day, how lucky are YOU? Pretty lucky. That's what.

So yesterday 94.7 did The Beatles A to Z in honor of John Lennon. Yesterday was the 26th anniversary of his death. While in the car driving to Natalie's play, talking on the phone and singing, "Maxwell's Silver Hammer," (yes, I am one of those people that talks on my cell phone and drives at the same time) Matt told me he is trying to find a copy of Abbey Road so that he can frame it and hang it on the wall. He fancies himself like Paul, barefoot and out of step with the rest of the gang. I fancy myself like George: the only one in jeans.

At the intermission of Natalie's play, Uncle Greg, Mom, and I were discussing how timeless the music of The Beatles truly is.

And so today I am listening to Abbey Road.

That was really all I had to say.

Ooohh you're gonna carry that weight, carry that weight a long time!

Quit Yer Bitchin'

You buggers are some whiny a-holes when I have neglected my posting. (And when I say a-holes, please know that I mean it with love from the very bottom of my heart.)

So.... What's been new? Averting further relationship crises (plural, yes), X-mas planning, promotion at work (mo' money!), X-mas shopping, a little plotting and scheming, and uh, oh yeah, some more X-mas planning.

You know. The usual.

Oh, I am also hard at work procrastinating for the GRE. (See, most people study for it, I, however, am not like most people.)

Recently I have been thinking WAY too much about (dah, dah, dah): The Future. *gasp* Namely, what exactly it is that I want to get out of my future. I think I have come to the realization that thinking too much about *GASP* THE FUTURE will only help you to totally f*ck up your present. Because then it starts raining pressure -- pressure of the "So what the hell are we gonna do with our lives?!" variety. Worse than acid rain, yick! Which is just all bad.

*SIGH*

Sometimes I wish I could just be a little kid again. No worries, no life planning to do. Just playing with my dollhouse and reading the Little House on the Prairie books. Man, I loved those books.

It's Great To Be A Michigan Wolverine!

So I opened up my email today to find a great selection of Ohio State jokes, sent to me by Nikki's mom, a HUGE MSU fan. How great is that? I am feeling good about the game. I don't think it's a sign of bad luck that Bo passed away, now we've got him up in heaven rooting for the Wolverines, and our players will play harder to make sure they give Bo a good send off. GO BLUE!

And now, for your enjoyment, some good Buckeye jokes, courtesy of Nik's mom:

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear an Ohio State joke?" The guy replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I am 6' tall, 200 lbs. and I am an Ohio State Graduate. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", 225 lbs. and he is an Ohio State Graduate. The guy right next to him is 6'5", 250 lbs. and he is also an Ohio State Graduate. Now, you still wanna tell me that joke?" The first guy says, "No, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times"

What's the only sign of intelligent life in Columbus?
Ann Arbor: 187 Miles

What does the average Ohio State student get on his SAT?
Drool

Four college Alumni were climbing a mountain one day: A OSU grad, a Michigan grad, a Penn State grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal fan of their alma mater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way to the top when the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountainside shouting, "This is for the fighting Irish!" Not wanting to be out done, the Penn State grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Nittany Lions!" Seeing this, the Michigan grad walked over and shouted, "This is for the Wolverines!" and pushed the Ohio State grad off the mountain.

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep the store." "But, I'm a Ohio State graduate," the young man replied indignantly, "I even played football there!" "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom, I'll show you how."

Two Ohio State football players were hootin' and hollerin' while partying on campus when a bartender asked them why they were celebrating. The smart one said proudly that they had just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it only took them two months. "Two months?!" exclaimed the bartender. The Buckeye proudly replied, "Yeah, the box said 4 - 6 years!"


A Buckeye football player was almost killed today in a tragic horseback riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse just in time.

What are the three longest years of an Ohio State football player's life? His freshman year.

Big Pimpin'

So right now Cinemax is giving every Star Wars fan their greatest dream come true: they are airing all of the movies, in story order, back to back. First time ever on television. So, being the Star Wars fan that I am, I'm watching them. (I already watched them all in On Demand!)

I realized while watching The Empire Strikes Back that Han Solo is the biggest pimp of all time. After his buddy Lando sells him out to Darth Vader, right as he is about to go into the carbon freeze, Chewbacca freaks out and starts knocking Imperial troopers off the platform. Han tells him he's gotta cut that shit out because Chewy has to look after Princess Leia now, then he kisses Leia and some troopers grab him and put him in place to get frozen. He's looking at Leia, Leia's looking at him, and she says, "I love you!" And you know what Han Solo says? He says, "I know." And then they deep freeze his ass. Pimpin'! No tears, no fear, no, "I love you too." Just, "I know."

Yeah, I love Star Wars.

Our HBO/Cinemax rep was at work on Friday and she had an Internet scavenger hunt for us to do for the chance to win some pretty cool Star Wars gear from Cinemax. So I was reading an interview with George Lucas and found out that there are actually three more episodes! Episodes 7, 8, & 9. Which he says he's planning on making -- with as many original cast members as possible. But filming won't start until at least 2017, which is like what 40 years after the original trilogy came out? Get ready for an 80 year old Han Solo!! Hahahaha.... At least I'll have that to look forward to when I'm in my thirties.

This Virgo Likes A Leo

And not just any Leo... Leonardo DiCaprio. Yes, I admit, I had pictures of him from Bop magazine hanging all over my bedroom walls when I was 10, 11, 12 and 13. (As well as Jason Priestly, Luke Perry, and Ethan Hawke.) Back then he was just another pretty face. As it turns out, little Leo can actually ACT!

Last night Shaun and I went to go see Martin Scorsese's new movie, "The Departed." In addition to Leo, it also stars Jack Nicholson, Matt Damon, Mark Wahlberg, Martin Sheen, and Alec Baldwin. As if that weren't enough, Brad Pitt was one of the (executive?) producers. Although Shaun hated the ending, I thought it was amazing. I see serious Oscar nominations coming its way, and maybe even one for Leo.

It's amazing that the little pretty boy went from this:


To this:


I mean, wow. So anyway, back to the movie. I don't want to ruin anything, but I will say that it lives up to its name, and somehow Scorsese still manages to find surprising ways to off people. Go see it, but pee first, cuz it is 2.5 hours long.

Where's My Toolbox?

So! After watching all three hour-long gubernatorital debates I have come to the following conclusions:

1. Dick DeVos is a disgrace to the Forest Hills public school system.

2. He is a tool in the same league as those in the White House.

3. If he's elected governer, I'm moving to Canada.

Make sure you take your ass to vote on November 7, even if it is for a tool, at least you're supporting our democracy.

Jack-O-Lanterns

Well Nik, this is for you. I let the spirit of Halloween inspire me! Tonight I made Jack-O-Lanterns with Mom and Shannon & the kids and this is the end result. The lower right-hand corner is my Martha Sterwart pattern, and the others are just good old fashioned Halloween FUN!

Happy almost Halloween everyone!

In The Navy

So, last weekend I went with Mom and Dad to Chicago to watch Jesse graduate from Navy boot camp. Pretty incredible. If someone had asked me five years ago to name 3 things I never thought I'd see Jesse do in his life, joining the military would have been on the list. Guess that just goes to show you that even people you've known all your life can still surprise you.

He looked outstanding in his uniforms, and he seemed healthier and happier than I've seen him in a long time. I can tell he was tired, probably physically and emotionally exhausted from all the ass busting he had to go through, but he's a better man for it.

And now he knows how to iron his clothes!

For your viewing pleasure:

East Side Maria's. And Shaun's.

So the move is complete. Shaun and I got (most of) our stuff out to the apartment last weekend. It feels weird to be way over on the East Side now. Well, the Northeast side. Our apartment is right on the edge of Sterling Heights, Shelby Township, and Clinton Township. When I was trying to explain the location to my mom, the conversation went as follows:

Me: "Mom, it's right next to Lakeside Mall."

Mom: "Where's Lakeside Mall??"

Dad: "Your mom doesn't know the East Side."

Well, she'll learn. Just like me.

So far I love our apartment. It is huge, the location is great, and I love that the place I call home is the same place where Shaun is. That's my favorite part. For sure.

If you still need my address and new ph # email me.

Banksy On It

Thanks Matt. And Banksy.

What a Retard*

Yesterday I realized the true depths of Britney Spears' stupidity. I know what you are thinking, my dear reader: But Maria, we thought you were smart enough to have realized this long before now. Alas, I admit, sometimes I overestimate people.

Two days ago I traveled to no less than 3 stores in search of Justin Timberlake's new CD, which has the somewhat odd title of Futuresex/Lovesounds. After going to 3 different places with no success, I postponed my quest. Yesterday I finally managed to locate a copy, at Meijer of all places, while on my lunchbreak. Since then I have been unable to stop listening to it. It is as if some strange power of nature is protecting my stereo with a force field that keeps me from being able to turn it off -- or turn the volume down.

A few months ago I bought a copy of GQ magazine, only to have Shaun point out astutely, "Babe, that is a men's magazine."

To which I replied, "Yes, but it has Justin Timberlake on the cover."

Exhibit A:

So, after listening to the CD, and repeating his new single, "My Love," (probably written for Cameron Diaz) and loving it more than I've loved a song in a while, I started to think, "Britney is a moron. Who would ditch Justin Timberlake for that toolbox Kevin Federline?? A retard, that's who."

As much as I doubt that any of you are going to defend the self-dubbed K-Fed (that makes me giggle!), I will assume that one of you might say, "But Maria! He is kind of cute sometimes."

To respond I have exhibit B:

I thought that this was Sean Paul the first time I looked at it, but nope! It is Britney's husband and the selected father of her (soon to be) two kids.

Could he look like more of an idiot?? ....Probably. He could be standing next to her.

Case closed.

*Do not lecture me on this use of the word retard.

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Kristina and Chad

Yesterday Shaun's wonderful little sister, Kristina, got married to a great guy named Chad. Here is a sample of the pictures that I took at the wedding. Personally, I think they came out GREAT! These are mostly from the reception, but there might be one or two in there from the rehearsal and the ceremony. A good time was had by all, and the bride and groom looked amazing. They were surrounded on all sides (several times over) by people who love them and wanted to wish them well at the beginning of this new adventure in their lives. I think they leave on Tuesday to take their honeymoon in beautiful Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. All the best and more to Kristina and Chad, and have FUN!

I have to say that I felt very honored to be invited to share this event in their lives with them, but even more so because everyone treated me as if I were just a part of the family. I couldn't feel luckier to have such open arms around me.

Stuff

So I've been working a lot of overtime lately. Good for my paychecks, bad for my social life. Labor Day weekend I had one day off, Saturday, and Nik was in town so I spent the day with her and Kira and Linda. We got our hair done, had some lunch, did some bargain shopping, and vegged out with pizza and the MTV VMA's, which I recorded earlier in the week.

This weekend was much more relaxed, thank God. On Friday night I went with Shaun to the new BW3 on Mound and 12 Mile Rd. where all his co-workers came out to wish him luck in his new position and say goodbye. A ton of people showed up and I think he was even a little surprised at how many people came out for him, but it's no surprise to me, Shaun is the nicest guy ever! Everybody loves him! Plus he's going to do amazingly well as a salesman, I just *know* it!

Yesterday I went out to Mom's office and she cleaned my teeth (it'd been 2 years since my last cleaning, eek!), and then Shaun and I went to lunch with her at my FAVORITE Mexican restaurant of *all* time, El Nibble Nook. Then we came back to my house and watched football, napped, ate pizza, did laundry, you know, just stuff. But it was really nice to just chill. Last night we went back over to his place, he played poker for awhile, I put a bunch of songs on my iPod. While digging around in the pictures on his computer I found these pics of me and Nik from when we went to Pearl Jam in May:

Next weekend is Chad and Kristina's wedding and I can't wait to wear my dress!! Shaun is going to be looking sharp in his tuxedo and this time I am DETERMINED to get more pictures of US all dressed up! Kristina is going to look so, so beautiful in her dress. Exciting stuff!

That's about all I've got to say at this particular moment in time. Later y'all!

Greatest Boyfriend Ever:

PR

It's official. I love Project Runway almost as much as I love Sex & the City. I say almost because, for me, Sex will always be the greatest TV show of all time. But I digress.

With the evolution of reality television and its launch into orbit around the world, the quality has -- of course -- diminished significantly. I remember watching The Real World on MTV before you had to be a model who would make out with all your roommates after knowing them for 4.8 seconds. The first 3 seasons were actually an interesting social experiment. Bring a group of people together that would otherwise probably not meet each other and see how they might influence each other's lives. Now it's just total shite.

Project Runway is the only reality show that I watch, and I LOVE it. Shaun has been good enough to put up with my *having* to watch it every Wednesday (don't worry baby, I will remember this when I have to watch football so you can check your fantasy players' stats or whatever the hell). Last week I was truly and seriously pissed about who got kicked off (I am still in shock) and I was actually yelling profanities at the television set.

I think I like the show so much because the contestants actually have to have talent, genuine talent, in order to succeed. And it gives me good fashion tips. Plus I like seeing what Heidi's going to wear each week. But anyways. I actually know some men, heterosexual men at that, who do enjoy the show, although I will allow them to remain nameless in order to avoid being lambasted for liking a *gasp* FASHION show!! Hahahaha.... Well at least between PR and Entourage I have 1.5 solid hours of TV that I love each week. Now I just need Nip/Tuck to come back!!

Surprise!

Pardon the delay, dear readers. I've been rather busy.

Last weekend many months of careful planning paid off. I successfully surprised Shaun on Sunday by taking him to a Tigers game with his friends, sisters, Mom, and a good chunk of my family too! I think he was truly in shock when he saw everyone, and even though the Tigers lost we all still had a great time. Sunburn and all!

Something else that I wasn't planning on happened too. On Saturday night Kira picked me up to take me to what I thought was going to be dinner with just me and her. I was excited because I haven't seen her in about two months, (no kidding, two months!) and I was just looking forward to the two of us sharing some wine over dinner and catching up. But instead I got a surprise party too!! I also got an iPod Nano (SWEET!), some beautiful jewelry from Kathy and Shimron (thanks guys!), and my favorite perfume, Happy by Clinique, from Mom and Dad. All in all, a great weekend.

Thanks to everyone who helped with both events, and thanks to all our guests for coming, especially those who came downtown 2 nights in a row!! Also, anyone who took pictures either day please email the pics to me, only these two really turned out OK and I need more!

Weekend in D.C.

Weekend in D.C.

Some pics of me and Nik and her roomie and good pal, Soo. Woo hoo, sexy ladies!

Brothers & Sisters

Jesse is about a month old in this picture, according to my mom. She thinks the picture was taken in February (his birthday is 1/24), which would make me 3 1/2 years old.
So today my kid brother left to join the Navy Reserve. First he goes to boot camp in Chicago, and after his training there he'll go to San Diego for his skills training. He won't be done with everything until February, and at that point he might decide to go active duty. The morning I left for D.C. I realized that Jesse has never been on an airplane before. He said he was pretty nervous about that....

At first when he was thinking about joining I was really against the idea. I don't have very much confidence in our nation's leaders right now and I just felt that he was putting himself needlessly in harm's way. But what I've realized is that Jesse was already in harm's way, just by being stuck here, unhappy, and not knowing what to do with his life. It is in situations like those that people tend to make bad decisions and wind up in a world of trouble, or worse. Thinking about it like that has helped me realize that this is probably the best thing my brother has ever done with his life, and I just hope that he succeeds and is happy with his choice.

I think he'll be just fine.

Washington D.C.

So I am in D.C. visiting Nik and Bec and Jet and all I have to say at this point is that I freaking miss my girls! After being in Jetta's presence for about 30 seconds she was like, "So, when are you moving to D.C.?" Don't I wish I could afford to go away for grad school!? Alas, it is not so.

After dinner we went to the bars and it was fun just to kick it around town with the ladies. Nik's roommate and good friend, Soo, came out with us. Since Nik and Soo and I are all taken we had fun deflecting the guys. (And deflect them we did, Shaun!! Hahaha....) Although I have to say I missed him like CRAZY last night because we went to this club that was playing Daddy Yankee and tons of reggaeton music, (at one point the DJ was mixing Andean flute music in with the tracks and ALL I could think about was Ecuador) and I just knew that Shaun would have loved it.

Today I hung out with Bec for a while, we went to lunch at a great little Mexican place and then got some ice cream at a family style dairy place. After lunch we went back to her apartment and played with her new doggy that she adopted. Her place is really cute, all hardwood floors and lots of windows (including one in the bathroom AND one in the kitchen -- amazing!). Tomorrow she and Jetta leave to go to Puerto Rico for 10 days. After Beca's I came back to Nik's where she and Soo and Leigh proceeded to BBQ up a storm and served up a phatty meal for everyone.

Tomorrow Nik and I are going to Ozzfest (System of A Down, what?!?!) and it should be awesome. Ozzy decided to play the tour again this year and he is always entertaining, but truly the only reason we are going at all this year is because of System -- who are on the verge of becoming the greatest rock band of all time. Last time we went to System we had floor "seats" at the Palace - which are not seats at all because it's general admission -- and I think we actually scared men we were moshing so hard. No moshing this time around because we have pavillion seats, but that's cool because we can wear sandals and wear our hair down without having to worry about it getting accidentally ripped out of our scalps. It's gonna be sweet!

Now it's bedtime because I am tired as HELL. But more will follow, maybe even with pictures!

Goodnight all!

When the Going Gets Tough...

The tough get going.

So Shaun and I just made it through our first real rough spot and it feels good -- now that it's over. While we were fighting it felt like someone was crushing my heart with the weight of 1000 dictionaries. The really big, unabridged ones. I think we mostly had a communication breakdown, and my feelings were hurt and his feelings were hurt. The other night we sat and talked for a long time, and yesterday I woke up feeling better than I have in a good month or so.

I crazy love that man. Even when we're fighting, which really is not very often, I still know how much I love him. We both just need to remember patience and consideration sometimes.



This is us at Kira & Jeff's wedding. The wedding photographer took this one, which I love because it is so candid. And Nik looks HOT in the pic too! Bonus!