Raise your hand if you've ever seen Disney's animated classic, "Alice in Wonderland." Ah, many of you, I thought so. Well, remember the Un-Birthday song that Alice sings with the Mad Hatter? In the spirit of the Un-Birthday I'm creating Un-Valentine's Day. We'll have 364 Un-Valentine's Days to celebrate every year, and that is way better than the completed shitty actual Valentine's Day that I'm about to have tomorrow.
What happens when you break up 2 days before V-Day? I'll tell you. You throw some shit in a bag & drive to your parents' house, because, even though you are 25 years old, you know that you will always be able to wake them up at 2:30 AM in tears without totally pissing them off. The next morning you wake up and while brushing your teeth you try to figure out how you're going to get all your stuff out of the apartment. You skillfully avoid looking your dad and brother in the eye because they'll be giving you that awkward, I love you but I just don't know what to say! look. That is the last look you need right now. Then you'll drive to work, eating a pear, listening to Beethoven's 7th Symphony.
Once you arrive at work you will avoid, avoid, avoid (like the plague!) that horrible question, "Hey, how are you?" You will want to say something like, "Well actually everything is total crap, and I'm feeling a bit heartbroken and miserable. But how are you?" But instead you say, "Fine," and keep walking. You will sit down at your desk and remove the multiple and adorable pictures of him from their various frames. You will wimp out and shove them into the back of a drawer instead of just throwing them away, you know -- just in case. Deep down though, you know that there will be no just in case, not this time.
The moment you realize that a person you thought could be The One is not, in fact, The One, it feels like someone has just drained all the blood from your heart. I think the worst part about all of this is how utterly disappointed I am that I didn't realize all of this much, much sooner. Especially before I signed a lease on an apartment and stupidly put every single utility bill in my name. Now, instead of a clean break from which we might both be able to heal, there are loose ends that need to be tied up, messy conversations that need to be had. I know that instead of this being the end of the frustration and tears and bitter disappointment, it's going to be the beginning of something worse.
He made some big mistakes, and then he made some more, and for a while I stood by him, but everyone has a point. I just couldn't forgive him. I just couldn't forget. I've become an overanalytical, judgemental bitch -- a shadow of my former self -- and I know that's not my nature. I have become a person I hate, and I can't possible expect him to endure that indefinitely. Like I said, everyone has a point. Even though I'm unhappy with my behavior and feel like I've tried to change, I just can't stop. That nagging thought that this is all his fault in the first place!, if he could've just been more responsible times X, Y, & Z!, creeps back into my brain when I least expect it. I don't want to keep him at arm's length anymore and at this point I don't think the way I feel will change for a long, long time -- if it ever does -- and that is just too long to try to go on living with each other every day. I feel like it is impossible for us to ever be the way we used to be, as close as we used to be. And that's that.
So there it is my dear reader. Maria at the end of yet another failed relationship.
Happy Un-Valentine's Day.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
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9 comments:
we love you, hang in there...and if you want a change of scenery, boston is here for the taking :)
Dude, I love you and I know you'll get through this and all your friends will be here for ya along the way. It would be way easier if people came with warning labels - like: "Will make you laugh but won't hold the door" ..If women ruled the world.. Even though I know you just visited - I gotta throw in my DC promo :) It will be getting warm here in a few weeks and there's also that My Chemical Romance concert coming up in April...
I would be the best "Un-Valentine" you could ever have;) You can take that to the bank!
Luv you!
DUDE! I live 2 miles away from you right now (if you're at your folks) and my ears haven't heard your lovely voice in too long. Give me a call. 2am or whenever. I love you. No matter what. Shit - we've been to hell and back, wouldn't ya say? Love, Steph
I like Nikki's idea for warning labels, though I think I'd need them to get straight to the point. For example: "No. Just no. Move along, now."
Hope you're hanging in. Feel free to flee to Chicago and show up at my front door with no warning.
hugs gal pal, hugs, and strength, and wisdom, and hugs.
Bec
Here's a warning:
romantic, pure gentleman, family oriented, goal oriented, fun, good listener when needs to be, good friend to all, may make a mistake like any other human-but learns from them, likes to dance, never lies, honest, puts his girl first, will love you like no one else has, will stick by your side during tough times, will give you chances if you make mistakes(unless you cheated with like my best friend or something! :o)), a good man!!!
That would have been my label.
I think you are omitting ALL of the stuff that would have be worthwhile to know about ahead of time.... I could give specific examples, but I just won't. Not saying that I am perfect, indeed I'm far from it, but come on, that's not a warning label, that's a personal ad.
Let's look at people in general as if they were a medication, here is a general description for most people out there, sure it will fluctuate a bit person-to-person but it is a starting point.
Use:
Temporarily relieves loneliness, minor heart ache and pain associated with previous relationships, life enhancing, mentally/sexually stimulating
Active Ingredients:
Laughter, love, excitement, spunk, confidence, talents, charm, loving heart, need to give/ receive love, individual personality/humor/experiences/tastes/opinions/needs/wants.
Directions:
Men/Women should apply this person to their life with open arms. Hold tightly and enjoy all of the good moments.
For best results:
•Enhance each other’s life don’t alter it
•Respect and believe in each other’s ideas and beliefs not putting them down
•Fill each other’s heart with joy and laughter
•Stimulate each other mentally, satisfy one another physically and evolve together spiritually
•Accept each other as they are and never attempt to change one another
•Permit each other the chance to have space
•Appreciate each other all the time not only on special occasion
Warnings:
This person can cause frustration, confusion, nights of crying oneself to sleep, anger, doubt, in worst case scenarios a broken heart and feelings that change who you are as a person and how you handle future relationships.
Questions?
Call 1-800- MOM&DAD, or 1-800-FRIENDS (24 hours a day/ 7 days a week)
Take all comments/opinions for informational purposes only, they will be influenced by their own previous experiences that may not always work for you.
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