What's A 20 Something Girl To Do?

I've decided to let the stress go. I spend entirely too much time stressing about my job that I dislike, my student loans, my future... stuff like that. I'm done. If I don't get a job that I actually like by the time that school starts then I am going to quit and become a full time student. I can defer my loans and still make payments on them, so I won't have to worry about that. And as far as The Future goes, I can't control it, so it's better to just let it be. Hanging out with Steph and The Bridesmaid's yesterday, talking about life, I noticed a recurring theme. It may be cliche, but everything happens for a reason. You may not know exactly what the reason is at that very moment, but your old friend The Future will eventually roll around to clear it up for you.

We also discussed change quite a bit. Specifically, how people change, and, more specifically, how women try to change their men and when that is and is not OK. For example, we concluded that it is acceptable to try to break your husband's habit of picking his nose and wiping his boogers on the edge of the driver's seat in your brand new car. That's a good change to encourage. But the fundamental things, morals, religion, politics, responsibility, whether or not he is just a total slob -- things like that are pretty fixed. And if you do try to change something major, what happens if you change something else unintentionally? People change constantly, for good and bad reasons, but usually the changes that turn out to be improvements are those that came from within. You change because you want to, and that is probably something that will actually last.

Right now I am in a place where a person that I love, very much, is trying to effect a big change in his life. I believe in him, and I want to encourage him because I think he's doing it for the right reasons, but I don't know how much I believe that it's going to last forever. Part of me feels like a bitch for having that doubt, but that doubt is honest, and I always prefer honesty. The only experience that I can speak from is my own, and I know that when I've come to those few monumental transitions in my life that I've changed in ways I never could have predicted. Even relationships that I thought were stable and strong before leaving ended up cracked and broken after coming home.

That is a situation that is going to require much more thought. I just had to get Paris Hilton off the top of my page. I sincerely apologize that I left her up there as long as I did. My occasional schadenfreude sometimes gets the better of me. It's like doubt in that way.