Earlier today I spoke to an ex of mine who happend to mention that should his current girlfriend find out that he'd spoken to me he'd be, "in trouble." And I thought, Well that sucks, what the hell is that all about, where does she get off??
After we got off the phone it occurred to me that I am the biggest hypocrite on the planet.
While I consider myself to be cool with the fact that Shaun occasionally talks to his ex or has lunch or coffee with her, I know that I am not exactly comfortable with it. While I would never ever tell him that he couldn't speak to her or see her ever again, I still know that there is a fine line there, and should it ever be crossed I know I would be pissed. I put my trust in him, in his neverending honesty with me and vice versa, and I talk to him if something makes me feel awkward. I hope that Shaun never has to say to her, "If Maria found out we talked today I'd be in big trouble."
On the other hand, I really want the girl to keep her distance. I know that I can never really know what happened in their relationship, that will forever be between the two of them. And while I know that my opinions about it, and my perception of it don't really matter in the grand scheme of things, I know that he used to think she was the one for him, and that she broke his heart, and she will therefore always be undeserving of so much as a smile of his, let alone a friendship. But that's probably how my ex's girlfriend sees the end of my relationship with him. I was the one who did the leaving. So how can I blame her for feeling that way?
The difference with me is that I know that Shaun is a grown man. He can take care of himself and he can grant his friendship to whomsoever he pleases. And because I love him, and because I respect him and the relationship that we have, I have to trust him. I love to trust him. And I know that each of us cares infinitely more about our current relationship than we do the remains of things that were so broken and destroyed the only remaining option was abandonment. So while I know that neither of us would ever forbid the other to speak to an ex, I also know that if that were to happen, the ex would be forsaken, because if you care about what you have with someone you have to respect that above anyone else from the past, friend or not.
It's nice not having to worry about it though.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
MARIA,
TRUST IS A WONDERFUL THING. AND THATS ALL I HAVE TO SAY ON THAT
KAREN
(YOU KNOW THE ONE "SOMEDAY YOU WILL BE OLD TOO"
Isn't it wonderful to be in adult relationships where trust is honorable? The biggest foundation builders for a great relationship are #1 - Communication and #2 - Trust. Once you have those two things firmly in place, your relationship can go anywhere.
I know that if something made you truly uncomfortable that you could talk about with Shaun and you would work on it together. That, my darling, is what a good relationship is.
Love ya,
L
Well, here's a thought hunny.
From day one i told you everything, even the stuff i knew was hard for you to swallow. In the long run it's for the better to know and not be lied to. Trust is tough, and always will be. It's like walking in a dark room with no vision, it can even be a little scary.
But as Leah says, communication is the key. I know you would never ask me to stop talking to my ex. I know it's tough sometimes that she is still around. Why exactly do we keep in contacts with our ex's anyway? It ended for a reason, right?
After all was said and done i have no hard feelings or regrets about my past, maybe that's why it's okay.
Everyone gets a little insecure sometimes, even me, but i walk blind with you in this relationship knowing you would not break my trust. Without trust there is no us, or anyone for that matter.
I do think that our situation at times is really messed up, all of which i don't have enough room to go into, but you can always talk to your ex's without me worrying, their an ex and that's all they'll ever be now. If his chick is too insecure about him talking to you, well that's a decision he'll have to make, and you shouldn't care how she feels. Personally if my past told me her new boyfriend would get mad if he found out i say one of two things:
a. You need to leave that immature thing.
b. Well then i don't think i'll continue this conversation cause to have a hidden relationship from your ex is gay as hell and i graduated highschool long ago.
Just my thoughts. But i love you baby and you are the reason i smile these days, you're my "one" now.
Post a Comment