Love vs. Marriage

I’ve been to a few weddings now since The Great Breakup of 2009. At first I was afraid I’d never be able to go to a wedding again in my life, but somehow I am finding more and more comfort in each one I attend. There is something about watching two people who love and respect each other exchange vows of marriage that they actually mean that resonates in my lover’s heart, bruised as it still may be.

On Saturday one of my younger cousins got married. During the ceremony the pastor said something like, “Marriage is not only choosing the right partner, but also being the right partner.” Shaun and I never could have been the right partners for each other. I tried for so long to turn him into so many things that he is not. Shame on me for doing that to someone I loved. Shame on me for doing that to myself.

In the past six months I’ve started to realize that a wedding is not important to me. A marriage – in the traditional sense of the word – is also not important to me. I just want love. Love wins. I want a real man who will really love me who I can really love back. I expect finding such a relationship to be one of the greatest challenges of my life. I plan to be exceptionally picky this time around. No settling. I want what I deserve.