Stupid Spoiled Attention Whore

First of all, let me say that I thought long and hard about whether or not to write this post. I'll warn you right now, it's about Paris Hilton. I apologize in advance.

I despise Paris Hilton. I know it's wrong to judge, and I've never met her and blah, blah, blah, but, God, I am sorry, I think that she is basically a worthless, money grubbing, heinous be-otch. (Or, as Matt would perhaps say, a vapid screech owl. Ha! I just love that.) I hate how much air time on so called 'serious' news channels (CNN, what is up? Come on!) is devoted to her retarded ass. Part of me really wants to ignore it, and pay her less that no attention at all, since even bad publicity is still publicity. But another part of me gets so much joy out of watching her spoiled sex-tape-leaking ass get what she deserves that I just cannot help myself.

Last night Comedy Central aired one of my favorite episodes of South Park in honor of Paris and her current debacle. For those who haven't seen it, Paris comes to South Park for the grand opening of her new store at the mall, called Stupid Spoiled Whore, and madness ensues. She pays Butters' parents $250 million to have him as a pet and is ultimately challenged to a Whore Off versus Mr. Slave, who sucks her into his anal cavity just to prove he's a bigger whore than she is. It's a tremendously entertaining half hour of animated wonderfulness.

We keep the news on at work, on mute of course, lest Big Brother hear us and come running, and I cannot describe the joy I felt when I saw the headlines that she was headed back to jail. That judge in California single handedly restored my faith in the American legal system. With this one act he has told the world that you just cannot buy your way out of jail! (Of course, I know there are probably still a ton of people who do, but the fact that she just cannot get out of this is fantastic.)

If a regular old ordinary American had done what she did (which was get caught driving twice on a license which was suspended because of her drinking and driving) they would certainly be facing a similar penalty, if not worse. She already paid a $1,500 fine, which to most people would be a strong enough deterrent to get them in line, but Paris probably wipes her ass with $1,500 three times a day, so it's no wonder it didn't make an impact! Clearly, an impact is being made now.

I love that this alleged medical condition she has is what her attorney is trying to leverage as a reason she can't remain incarcerated. Supposedly she had a nervous breakdown. Imagine what would have happened if she'd actually received the body/cavity search that all other inmates are subjected to upon entering prison. She could have tried to smuggle her Sidekick or some mascara in up her ass -- probably not as effectively as say, oh, Mr. Slave, but she could have. So I don't buy the whole nervous breakdown thing. You don't think there are people in jail with actual, real medical conditions -- like heart disease, cancer, diabetes, HIV, fill-in-the-blank?? There are prison hospitals and infirmaries and doctors and counselors to help inmates with any manner of problems. It's what our taxes pay for.


I think Martha Stewart ought to give the Hiltons a call and tell them that the ridiculous behavior that got their daughter into this mess in the first place is not a Good Thing, and her even more ridiculous behavior now is even worse. She needs to suck it up and shut it up and just do her 45 days. Maybe she should try to make the best of it and get, like, a super sexy prison tat while she's in there. I know what it could say, right across her ass: "That's Hot."

Guilty Pleasures

Sometimes in life you just need your guilty pleasures. Like eating a candy bar and drinking a gimungous glass of Coca-Cola at the same time. (So, so bad for your teeth, but good for the following sugar buzz.) I myself make it a point to indulge in guilty pleasures whenever possible, within reason, of course. For example, I find myself strangely drawn to movies starring Amanda Bynes. I mean seriously though, how can you not love this girl?? ------------------------------->

I also occasionally delight in the misfortunes of other people, like Paris Hilton. (Don't even get me started on how she bought her way out of prison. Disgusting. If anyone needed to get shanked in prison it was freaking Paris Hilton. Oh well, I will have to learn to live with disappointment I guess.)

Sometimes I enjoy kissing boys with fierce tattoos who I know I will never see again. I am *obsessed* with Showtime's mini series The Tudors, starring dreamy Irish boy Jonathan Rhys Meyers. Oooh, yummy! Other times I like to laugh obnoxiously loud at wholly inappropriate times, like when Brad Pitt's character in Meet Joe Black got hit by a car because he was standing in the middle of the street like a complete jackass. Yup, that was me that laughed so hard I snorted frozen Coke through my nose. (I was eating chocolate at the same time too, a double whammy!)

My point is, sometimes you just need to live a little. Go ahead, you know you want to go rent She's The Man. It's cool. I promise I won't tell.

Catch $22,000

Part of me hates having Monday off because pretty much everyone else in my life is at work. That leaves me a day by myself, which sometimes, like today, is fantastic, and other times is not so fantastic. Today was great because I got so much stuff done. I registered for class in the fall and made an appointment with my new advisor. I called around and got a couple of quotes on computers (it's gonna cost me at least $1600, easy). Read my new issue of The Progressive from cover to cover, and a couple articles from The New York Times that I missed yesterday. And then I did something I have been putting off for months. I actually called all of the companies that have been sending me offers to consolidate my student loans to see what kind of terms they could offer me.

Turns out, they're not so great. Half of the offers are companies which only consolidate federal loans -- which does me no good since my federal loans are already consolidated. The other half wanted to lower my payment by extending the term of my loan from 20 to 30 years, but at a higher interest rate, which might be helpful in the short term, but screws me in the long term. So here I sit, stuck until I can improve my credit just a little bit more and consolidate with Citibank. The bastards. I'm caught in a Catch $22,000. Well, it's actually $27,000, but what's five grand between friends?

I think it may be time to sign up for some overtime at work. As much as I truly, truly hate having to do that, a $1600 laptop isn't going to fall from the heavens, no matter how hard I pray. And I will have to pay my tuition up front, and then wait for the reimbursement. (You know, for all my complaining about my actual job, I gotta give it up for that benefit. Education reimbursement gets 2 thumbs up in my book.) But it's cool. I've don't have much else to do this summer, all my vacation time is gone anyway. Might as well make a little money.